Stress is not the enemy

Stress has a bad reputation and is viewed as bad for our health and something we don’t want. However there is mounting evidence that stress is not the enemy and that our view on stress can have an impact on our life. How about we change our thoughts on stress and reframe these stressful situations, so that our body’s response can have a healthier impact on our wellbeing.

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What is Stress

First, what is stress? Some of us define stress as those demands that are put on us, such as work deadlines, morning commute, dealing with difficult customers, relationship problems and parenting. Stress is a leading cause of chronic diseases and is blamed for causing high blood pressure, heart disease, and depression.

However these are not “stress” itself, they are situations that can cause you stress. Stress is how you respond to these situations. The following quote from Emily Fletcher from her book “Stress Less, Accomplish More” sums this up.

“Stress is not what happens to you,
Stress is your reaction to what happens to you”

Emily Fletcher

Can stress be good?

Most things that cause stress in our lives are important and meaningful to us. If we had a choice we wouldn’t choose not to have them in our lives, as they also give us love, laughter and fulfilment. For example , parenting is a leading cause of stress, but we wouldn’t want to eradicate our kids from our lives, even though it might feel like we’d like to at times (Ha! Ha!). When we get stressed our brain is signalling to our body that this is a moment that matters. It is something we care about that needs our attention. It is getting our body in readiness to respond to the situation by protecting or defending it. So stress is not the enemy here.

Stress Mindset

I first learnt about the upside of stress from a Stanford Psychologist called Kelly McGonigal, who has a book called “The Upside of Stress”. As a health psychologist she was trained to view stress as the enemy and she was telling her patients that stress can kill. However she later discovered that peoples’ belief in how stress affects us may influence how our bodies react to stress. Studies show that when a group of people viewed stress as harmful, the death rate in that group was higher. So it made her think about how she was affecting her patients lives. Was she increasing their chances of death by making the claim that “stress can kill” and therefore planting the seed?

She started to investigate the possibility that if we change our view of stress, maybe we can avoid the bad effects of stress. Shifting our mindset can make our body’s response to stress, healthier and it can actually change our brain.

Making us stronger

When we learn or experience something new, our brain forms new neural pathways which strengthens us and makes us more resilient. It learns in a way to support us in the future. We can choose what we learn from any situation even if we can’t control them.

When we experience stress and anxiety, our heart rate increases, our breathing becomes faster, we get more oxygen to the brain, our palms get sweaty and our body becomes tense. What our body is doing is preparing itself for action. What if I told you that these responses are the same as when we are excited. However, the difference is that one causes our blood vessels to constrict which is associated with cardiovascular disease, yes that is the effects of stress and anxiety. So by reframing the situation from a nervous and anxious situation we don’t want, to “my body is ready for this challenge”. We can harness that energy and adrenaline, and change our brain’s response to an excited reaction, which will have a healthier effect on your body.

Relationship with Stress and Social Connection

I found an interesting concept about the relationship with stress and our need for social connection. Stress can make us feel alone, however this could be a sign for us to reach out for social connection. Stress requires support and there are people out there that are in the same situation. Or they have been through a similar thing and can offer advice. Or there are people who are struggling more and need support as well. When you are suffering from stress, adopt the mindset that you don’t have to deal with it on your own.

At times of stress, people often seek support and comfort in food, and stress eat to make them feel better. We could be misreading these signs. As what our body is desperate for, is social connection for support and comfort.

Strengthen Relationships

Quash the beliefs that you shouldn’t tell people about your problems because you don’t want to burden them. And that you don’t want to look weak and reach out to that friend or family member. Imagine if you had the opportunity to help and support them in ways that mattered, how would that influence your relationship with them? It would bring your relationship closer correct? So don’t deny that friend or family member the chance to support you as it could strengthen your relationship.

How to deal with stress

Here are my top tips on how to deal with stress: –

1. Exercise – I know this can be hard when your body is resisting to move, however just moving has such a positive effect on your mood. It creates energy to flow all around your body creating dopamine and endorphins. It is the one thing you can do that has such an immediate effect on your brain chemistry that it can shift your mood straight away. And practiced over time you will begin to get that exercise high.
2. Help someone, support someone – Find a way to be of service to others. Doing something that matters can strengthen your self worth and can make a difference to how you feel about yourself.
3. Meditation – This is not for everyone, however scientific studies are proving the benefits of meditation for our brain and can even change it. It is regarded as a woo woo spiritual thing less and less now. From the stress point of view, it can help ground you and makes you calmer so that you respond better to situations rather than react. Giving you more focus and attention and highlighting what really matters.

To Summarise

Stress is not the enemy. It can change us in positive ways. Stress is our response to a situation rather than the situation itself. We can fight, flee or freeze from it. We may not be able to control the situation, however we can choose what we want to learn from it. Stress to the brain is like hitting the gym, we get stronger and more resilient.

The experience of stress and anxiety in our body is very similar to the feelings we get when we are excited. We can learn to reframe a stressful moment and shift it to that of an exciting challenge, creating a positive reaction in our brain, resulting in a healthier response.

Stress could be our friend. Look at stress as our body trying to signal to our brain that something we care about needs our attention, that’s the mind and body connection. And don’t be afraid to seek help, as it can strengthen your relationships.

So stress doesn’t have to be regarded as the enemy as we can gain positive results from stressful situations. However I’m not downplaying stress. I’m showing that stress doesn’t have to be demonised but It is important to point out that it is toxic when you are in a constant state of stress. It can have a hormonal impact on our bodies and can suppress our immune system and develop poor sleep, anxiety and depression. In these situations you may find you need to seek professional help and advice.

On a final note, being in a constant state of stress is ageing and wrecks havoc to our health and wellbeing. Therefore we must adopt some practices in dealing with these situations effectively when they arise, such as any or all 3 of the tips I have given above.

If you have found this post useful, please share and maybe it can help someone.

Continue to join me living agelessly,

Kath